I LOVE the holidays. Like, love love love. From the twinkle lights to the myriad of hot beverages to the varied traditions across so many cultures and belief systems, it really is a time of year for me that is filled with nostalgia and joy.

At the same time, it is also one of my least favorite times of year when it comes to how society speaks about movement and food. Both are conflated with a whole bunch of potentially harmful things. Way too often—and more than in regular times—you hear a lot about feeling guilty, indulging in “treats,” saving up calories, cheating, letting go, and being “bad” or “good.” (And I don’t just mean for Santa.) There is so much fear and shame around this time of year regarding how we move or what we eat, especially as the New Year closes in and those resolutions come hurtling at us.

There’s a discernible air of “shoulds” that permeates this time more profoundly than the scents of cinnamon and peppermint. You should work out no matter what, especially if you have a food-laden party later that day. You should make healthier versions of all your favorite treats or avoid them altogether. You should ignore your hunger cues. You should abide by all the shoulds. And if you don’t, then you should feel bad that you didn’t! We’re “should-ing all over ourselves,” as Carrie Bradshaw once put it. Honestly, it’s exhausting.

In my early years, I lived a life that oozed with guilt and shame around movement and food not only during the holidays, but during all times of the year. Over the years, though, I’ve grown to seek and freely create joy through movement. Still, even as a fitness professional, I know how tricky it can be to tease apart the shoulds, the wants, and the needs. We so often let other people’s voices ring louder through our ears.

While it’s not necessarily possible to avoid all of the shoulds and the other triggers that stick to everything worse than holiday glitter, there are some things you can do to protect your peace during this time. Here are a few things that I have found helpful for myself to ward off the guilt surrounding movement and food and maybe—hopefully!—convert it into some joy instead.

1. Check in with yourself in an extra mindful way

Yes, you should be checking in with yourself regularly. Taking the time to pay attention to your needs and what you’re feeling should be a go-to whether it’s the holidays or any random Tuesday. But since this time of year can bring conflict and loneliness right alongside the comfort and joy, it’s especially needed. Be extra mindful in asking yourself, what will bring you joy? And then act on whatever that is as much as you can.

Maybe it’s eating your grandmother’s homemade cookies. Maybe it’s journaling whatever you’re feeling. Or maybe it’s going on a long run while everyone else is out shopping. I’ve learned that as an introverted extravert, I love being around people, but I also need to step back and recharge alone. While this isn’t only particular to the holidays, it’s exemplified this time of year. Things like holiday mall shopping, a lot of small talk, and gatherings with any drama or tension tends to sap a lot of my energy. Movement is an antidote for me, so getting outside to be by myself on a run or walk can be enough to recharge me and really change my whole vibe. So for me, solo exercise is something that pops up frequently during my self check-in. Not to get all Marie Kondo on you, but there is no better time to lean into whatever sparks a whole bunch of joy than the holidays.

2. Ask yourself to expand on the “why” that’s driving your guilt

If during your self check-ins, you notice that you feel like you are forcing yourself to do something or not do something, press pause and ask yourself why. Same if you feel guilty about making or not making a certain choice. What or who is behind this?

And think: If you were to do it, would there be any joy at the end? Say, for instance, you have already been over-training, over-working, over-socializing, and under-sleeping, but your sister pressures you to join her for a 6 a.m. fitness class when all you really want to do is sleep. Chances are, there’s probably not a lot of joy there. In that case, I suggest you go back to #1 and note how you are feeling and where you can bring in joy instead.

3. Give yourself permission

Period. For whatever. If you need to get away from family and go for a walk or go to the gym, great, go. If you need to cancel your workout and take a rest day so that you can bake with your kids or nieces and nephews, great, do that. If you need to walk away from a conversation, do that. Giving yourself the permission to decide for yourself how you want to spend your own time—and the grace to understand that your decision is valid—can be a great antidote for the guilt that circulates during this time. Doing this can be tricky, but enlisting a friend to help encourage you to prioritize yourself can be helpful, as SELF reported previously. So can writing down an affirmation on your phone (or even just a reminder in your notes)—and re-reading it when you find yourself struggling to give yourself that permission.

4. Take the opportunity to switch up your routine

If you’re traveling or staying with friends and family, allow yourself the chance to do something different. This can be especially helpful if you notice in your self-inventory that your regular workout routine is sparking less joy than usual or if you’re feeling the monotony of it. “Different” can mean taking a rest week, enjoying touristy walks, trying local fitness classes (check for mask and vaccine mandates!), playing in the snow, or just doing some at-home mobility work. Or maybe it’s about bringing in a social aspect to your fitness routine—say, by meeting up with visiting friends for a hike, or taking a walking tour together around the city instead of navigating by car.

Let your environment and friends or family traditions help guide you. Take advantage of new scenery and once-a-season opportunities if they present themselves. Even switching up your normal workout timing to accommodate evening events or daytime to-do’s (or awesome sunrises!) can allow you to get the movement you crave without missing out on the joy. Just remember to come back to #1 and #2 and really check in on your joy and your “why”—and make sure they fall in place with switching things up.

5. Remember that language is powerful

Comments about planning cheat days, cleaning up your diet, detoxing, or how you’ll go about burning off whatever you're eating don’t need to ever be said—especially while people are enjoying their food. Not to yourself, to others, on social media, or to a whole group. And even if you’re not the one actually bringing them up, cosigning them can be harmful to others, too.

This is as much for group fitness instructors and trainers as it is for anyone at a holiday gathering. You never know what people around you are dealing with, and perpetuating these diet, detox, and guilt-laden conversations, even in jest, can be really harmful. It’s also OK to speak up and help your family members understand why they shouldn’t be saying these things, either. Here are some ways you can deal with these kinds of triggering conversations.

6. Tease out what’s behind the unnecessary restrictions influencing you

Obviously I’m not talking about the restriction of removing gluten if you can’t eat it because of health ramifications for you. I’m talking about the self-imposed restrictions that run rampant during the holidays, the ones put in your head by social media, your mom, or your coworkers—especially the ones that come back to forcing something or eliciting guilt. (For instance, that you can’t have a cookie if you already had pie or you can’t have dessert at all if you didn’t get your workout in earlier.) Those restrictions? They can go. Of course, this is easier said than done, and for many people, it’s a process (and perhaps one best unpacked with the help of a professional). But taking the time to examine what’s behind these “restrictions” can help you tease apart if they are necessary or useful (for instance, the gluten example) or if they are just harmful social constructs wrapped in a pretty bow.

7. Use the mute button freely

Speaking of social media, hopefully you already have muted or unfollowed anyone that makes you feel bad about yourself. But sometimes even our favorite accounts can get sucked into the vortex that is holiday should-ing and shaming—take, for instance, things like social media posts about the amount of time it takes to work off the calories in typical holiday foods, memes about holiday weight gain, and the upcoming New Year’s diet and detox challenges, just to name a few. Even if something isn’t necessarily shaming, but it just makes you feel guilty—seeing someone’s workout or run streak, or post-workout accountability photos, or their lower-calorie versions of your holiday favorites—you can still give yourself permission (see #3!) to mute those accounts for a bit. Remember, you can mute just for the season and go back to unmute them later.

Limiting your time in the mindless scroll during this time of year can also be helpful. (Turning on Instagram’s new Take a Break tool—which alerts you after you’ve been scrolling for a set amount of time—can help you keep tabs on your usage.) Be as present as you can in your own holiday moments.

8. Remember that movement is a gift, not a punishment

You don’t need to be punished for attending a holiday party or eating your favorite foods. Holiday gatherings are celebrations, so celebrate! You don’t need to work out to “make up” for whatever you did the night before or whatever you’re doing later. And also, if you want to work out because that’s what brings you joy or brings you peace, go for it! Celebrate that too. The idea is that it’s all in how it is framed for you, by you. Not by whoever has made comments in person or online.

Whether you love or hate the holidays (or fall somewhere in between!), you deserve to find as much joy as you possibly can at this time of year. Joy can’t fully come alive if guilt and shame are allowed to crash the party. Move and eat and live in whatever way brings out the most holiday cheer for you. And be good to yourself, for goodness sake!

The post How to Make Exercising About Joy During the Holidays—Not Guilt appeared first on SELF